‘If there be anywhere on earth a lover of God who is always kept safe,
I know nothing of it, for it was not shown to me. But this was shown;
that in falling and rising again we are always kept in that same
precious love……’ Julian of Norwich
I finally got my own copy of ‘The Mountains of Wales…an anthology of verse and prose compiled and edited by Ioan Bowen Rees’. He lived on the edge of my village and I came across this contribution by him……
‘Welsh-speaking streams’ - Langtang Himal hid the remainder of the main Himalayan chain. We were now aiming for its foot, most frequently along a trace of path scratched in the sides of the precipices, like the well known path around Foel Cynwych above Llanelltyd except that the river was up to eight thousand feet below. Soon the white silk of the great mountains melted into the wool of the clouds…..And at the edge of the mist, Welsh-speaking- streams raised hope that there was some lost Welsh tribe in Tibet as well as amongst the Red Indians.’
Milarepa meditated in cave retreats and sung endless Vajra Dohas in this area of Nepal. He frequently used nature as a metaphor in his teachings on mind. I sometimes spend time at night sitting in the rocky cairn on the summit of Moel Faban behind my house or sleeping on her flanks amidst the ancient bronze age burial sites…..it allways feels ‘safe’ however once I lay buried in my sleeping bag in the the snow when I heard heavy foot prints….something poked the bag….I leapt out only to find two curious frosty mountain ponies………….Many years ago I carved Om Mani Padme Hum on a summit rock and one full moon I spent the night there contemplating Milarepa and reading his songs. My dogs were allways with me and would remain alert all night, standing guard. That night they were very, very nervous, something was about……so we headed back home!! …..I should have stayed.
Since returning home from Nepal the pilgrimage has continued…………in reality I guess it never ends …..no goal, only the path. Things have been a bit grim, illness and significant deterioration in my kness, legs and now hips. To quote my doctor….”terry you are fucked!!!” Regular physiotherapy and loads of pain killers have not helped so I have been struggling a bit. At least the weather has been good and now I am back in the pool trying to regain some mobility….the seals are waiting!
At times like this we need support…………I keep a picture of brave smiling Choetar-la, resting on his crutch and stick by the stupa, on my table………it puts my grumblings and self pity into context. I have my walking poles, the mala blessed by Rinpoche on my last day at the stupa and a Milarepa statue blessed by Rinpoche that I bought in Patan……what more do I need !! In some strange way the pain I experience 24 hours a day is like a ‘protector’ …… a constant reminder that I should always be mindfull of my actions and the results that are generated (karma) ……….what were the causes of these obstacles? I can at least rejoice that those karmic threads are comming to fruition and ‘walk’ on.
The weather is wonderful….hot clear days as the garden struggles into bloom….unusual for april/early may in these parts. Few birds at the feeders though….I wonder if it is my new neighbours cat? No rats this year either, in the past I have live-trapped a dozen or more around the feeders. The neighbours want to poison them so I have a quiet word with them(the rats that is!) and release them safely in the quarry with a prayer. The garden is a sanctuary…watered from holy wells….stones from sacred places…prayer flags and the garden Buddha.
‘Valley dogs bay
Above Moel Faban
Full moon………’
Last night I grabbed my poles and hobbled through the gate onto the mountain and sat in the darkness bathing in the healing light of the moon. Venus, a shimmering point of light in the west…….the dim house lights of Tal Sarn where Ioan Bowen Rees lived in the valley below. The first sign of the moon a subtle change of light on the ridge behind my house then her silver body slowly edges into view…….she rises in all her glory and never fails to take my breath away…………
It is full moon……………that same moon that rises over Moel Faban behind my house will shine upon the stupa at Boudha and the cremation ghats of Pashupatinath. …In the still pool at Lumbini and the ancient rocks of Vulture Peak….On my son somewhere in Australia and my teacher in Sikhim…. On the clear-cut rain forests of Brazil and the broken bodies of my brothers and sisters in Baghdad….. Reflecting in the wide eyes of the Anglesey seals and the clear deep waters of Llyn Idwal…..on the rainbow scales of returning salmon as they seek to spawn in polluted rivers….the snow covered peaks of Langtang Himal and the ‘wesh speaking streams’…. in my tears of joy and sadness as I watch these myriad worlds unfold in the ‘misty crags and valleys of this world’……
At times like this when I go to the mountains or by the sea I sometimes read some words of inspiration such as these by Milarepa………………
I stare upward at the deep blue sky
I realise completely the empty nature of being;
Of palpable existence
No anxiety or fear have I.
When I look at the sun and moon
I realise their nakedness, the radiance of Mind-Essence;
Of distraction and drowsiness, no fear have I.
When I gaze at the top of the mountains,
I clearly realise the immutable Samadhi;
Of change and flow I have no fear.
When I look at the flowing river,
I fully realise the running nature of all flux;
Of the wrong view of Non-Cause, I have no fear or misgiving.
When I contemplate the rainbow-like (illusions of existance)
I clearly realise the indentity of form and voidness;
Of the nihilistic and realistic wrong views
I have no fear.
When I see the shadows of the moon-in-water,
I fully realise the self-radiance of Non-clinging;
Of subjective and objective thoughts I have no fear.
When I look inwardly to the self aware mind,
I clearly see the light of the inner lamp;
Of ignorant blindness, I have no fear.
How stupid it is to sin with recklessness
While the pure Dharma spread all around you,
How foolish to spend your life without meaning,
When so precious a human body is so rare a gift.
How ridiculous to cling to prison-like cities and remain there.
How laughable to fight and quarrel with your wives and relatives,
who do but visit you.
How senseless to cherish sweet and tender words
which are but empty echoes in a dream.
How silly to disregard ones life by fighting foes
who are but frail flowers.
How foolish it is when dying to torment oneself with
thoughts of family, which binds one to Maya’s mansion.
How stupid to stint on property and money,
which are a debt on loan from others.
How ridiculous it is to beautify and deck the body,
which is but a vessel of filth.
How silly to strain each nerve for wealth and goods,
and neglect the nectar of the inner teachings.
In a crowd of fools, the clever and sensible
Should practice the Dharma, as do I.
Milarepa
terry…..Full moon….Rachub….Wales
Filed under: Blogroll, Pilgrimage, tibetan buddhism, Uncategorized, wales
Well….I am back now. All that effort trying to see the Himalayas to no avail and then but as the bus climbs to my village the sky is ice blue and the mountains glisten under fresh snow……..!!
When I left the Dragon the sky was clearing so I rushed down to the stupa to see if I could get a view from the terrace…no luck..it was closed. Huge colourful arches were erected around the square and along the main road….lots of folk were gathering….monks in costume were arriving. A few weeks ago Chogye Trinzin from the Sakya monastary had died and his body was returning today. He had remained in samadhi for nearly 20 days…that is his body remained upright in medtation posture and stayed warm! A helicopter circled overhead strewing paper flowers as the huge bell tolled….the procession of monks arrived in colourful costume, a truck led the way with young women scattering flower petals on the road. A old tibetan man in cowboy hat and boots waves to the helicopter….devotees cover the vehicles with kata’s as they pass with the body.
The final teaching from the stupa……………….impermanence.
I say goodbye to Jules and do some kora for the last time….I see the little boy with the bamboo zimmer frame still laughing…I put some notes in my palm and shake his hand….I have lunch in the Three Sister’s and donate the rest of my nepali money to the Kagyu gompa. The old monk is there and comes over full of smiles…I tell him I am leaving but maybe I will see him next year….he says that will be unlikely as he dying!! Impermanence……..
Tibetans say the greatest teaching a Lama can give is his own death.
I collect my bags and walk back down through Shechen to get a taxi. The security guard wishes me well and monks call out “safe journey”. Jules is sitting by the bell and insists on helping with my bags….one last farewell.
I taxi to the airport and begin the long tedious journey home….my heart a little lighter as something has remained, forever at the stupa. There is still snow lying as I travel into Wales….so nice to see the sea again….and then the mountains above the green green grass of home.
terry
Life is fragile, like the dew hanging delicately on the grass,
crystal drops that will be carried away on the first morning breeze.
Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
My old friend and companion Lila, a sheepdog bitch died a few years ago. I carried her limp body up the mountain in the dark and laid her to rest under a cairn, marked by a natural quartz cross in a granite boulder. Glen, a sheepdog and cat Kai are also buried there.
Dying sheep carried down the mountain on my urine soaked back with new lamb tucked under my arm, ewes found dying in the rocks…I would sit and stroke their heads for a while…eye contact and a sense of trust. Dead pony buried under rocks on the bank of Afon Ffrydlas. Injured badgers released from snares . Kai, my old black and white cat (I saw her being born), staggered over to my chair, lay down at my feet ………looked up at me, her last breath a rattle……….. and died!
I have had many strange experiences with dying birds……….when a boy I saved a injured blackbird and cared for it in the garage. When it came time to release it I opened the window and left the nest box open. The next morning I found it floating in the waterbut outside! I remember picking a ‘dead’ bird from the gutter on a busy road in London, as I cradled it in my hand it flew away!
Yesterday I heard a loud bang on my window, looking outside I found a robin on the path, alive but stunned. They are so fragile and can easily die of shock but I could not leave it there for the neighbourhood cats. I cradled it in my warm hands and blew gently as I said a prayer, it was breathing , had no obvious sign of injury and clung to my fingers with its tiny claws. After a while I raised it to the sky and watched it take off and fly….freedom. It flew high and then swooped down along the garden, over the hedge and straight into the neighbours ginger cat….I heard the shrieks. I don’t think the cat could believe its luck, I watched it in disbelief as it carried its trophy away.
Karma is most times unfathomable…….why did our paths cross at this point at that point? Did I give it freedom and the gift of flight once more or was I the instrument of its death?
All Things Pass….
The three worlds are impermanent like clouds
of autumn.
The births and deaths of beings are like watching
a dance.
The life span of people is like a flash of lightening
in the sky,
and like a waterfall, it is quickly gone.
Buddha Shakyamuni
long life and happiness……………..terry
Do you swim in Llyn Idwal?
I have swum in all the cold lakes, Ogwen, Idwal, Llanberis.
Thats where I am nearest to complete being with the universe
for swimming is like a starry sky………………………
from a letter to Brenda Chamberlain from Alun Lewis.
.
On saturday I had lunch with with friends. Erylys knew Brenda Chamberlain when she lived near my home in the ’40s and helped run the Caseg Press with John Petts, Alun Lewis was a South Wales poet who died in India in 1944. John gave me an obituary of Roger Deakin , he wrote a inspirational book,Waterlog , which chronicled his experiences swimming across Britain. He grew up in my part of North London and worked at the local pool. He died in august from a brain tumour like my dharma brother, the old monk Rabsal.
Swimming for Roger Deakin was a “subversive activity that gave him access to that world which, like darkness, mist, woods or high mountains still retain most mystery. He swam in the mountains of Wales “because the place is stiff with magic”.
From their kitchen window I could see up the valley known as Nant Ffrancon. The sky had cleared, the sun was hot but dark clouds hung in Cwm Idwal. At the back of the cwm is Twll Du (the black pit) known in English as the Devils Kitchen. The old sailors believed that the storms off Ynys Mon(Anglesey) were brewed in this sometimes forbidding place! I decide to take a chance, drive home to get my swimming stuff and head up the valley.
The difference between pilgrim and tourist is that the pilgrim always returns from the inner/outer journey changed in some way. As I follow the mountain path up into the cwm and trust myself to the cold water of Llyn Idwal I am also changed.
The calm lake reflects the gullies and crags of Y Glyderau which will soon hold the first snows of winter. I long to be able to wander again in these places ‘stiff with magic’ which were once a source of ‘pilgrimage’ for me but my worn out knees now make this impossible. The water is very, very cold and as I glide out into the lake I nearly turn back having nothing to prove.
Reaching the far shore I rest for a while in a shaft of sunlight that shimmers on the rippled surface. My legs are cramping up and my upper body and arms are stiff with cold so I move on, closer to the shore this time in case the cramp gets worse. I make no claim to profound experience but when I swim in open water there is a sense of a dissolving of self (pun not intended!), a merge, a sense of grace…………..’my body sings as it glides through the blue’.
I wade the last few feet to the shore through the rocks and deep mud. I feel faint with the cold but exhilarated also. No dragonflies now, just yellow tormentil and a solitary raven. I stumble back down the path, my knees stiff and very painful, my body like a block of ice but there is a smile on my face and a glint in my eye….something has changed.
When crossing water, make the wish: may we cross the ocean of samsara.
Buddha Shakyamuni
Courage to the fearful, freedom to the enslaved,
strength to the weak, mutual affection to all sentient beings….
Shantideva
happy strokes……..terry
Filed under: Blogroll, Pilgrimage, swimming, tibetan buddhism, Uncategorized, wales
Do not take lightly small good deeds.
Believing this can hardly help,
for drops of water, one by one,
in time can fill a pot.
Patrul Rinpoche.
The birds are back on the feeders in my garden with a vengance, they have been away for a while. I thought the cause might be rats, they live under the houses below. My neighbour called the pest control officer in to poison them, he said they lived under my garden Buddha…..! I live-trap the rats and release them, with a wish for their long life and happiness, safely in the quarry!
When I feed the birds I say a prayer….”may all beings be free from hunger”. One sunny Christmas morning I made them a nut roast, hung it in the trees but they were not impressed, I suspect the rats had a good day!
My teacher tells me to “let go of all attachments”…..easy to let go of that which causes suffering but what about that which brings happiness? Then I remember my sadness as I left the lake for the last time this year. Yesterday on the library computor in Bangor I watched a DVD of the 2005 Kagyu Monlam in Bodhgaya, thousands of nuns, monks and lay people offering prayers for world peace and an end to suffering . My pilgrimage this winter will start at the 2006 Monlam. On my left a elderly woman is searching the lonely hearts web sites and on my right a teenage boy is looking at pistols and sniper rifles!!
Hurricane Gordon is tracking up the atlantic bringing warm southerlies and the possibility of a groundswell….I go to ‘Sumpters’ on Ynys Mon and catch some surf for old times sake…it has been three years. New faces in the line up now but a couple of familiar ones also. Victor from South America paddles over, hand outstretched and then a head surfaces in front of my board! A large bull seal, perhaps the one from Porth Aels, stares and then dives along the wall of the wave……he pops up behind the nervous surfers a few times and then disappears. It is good to be back.
When I drive home from Bangor I can see my house in the distance on the slopes of Moel Faban. Today a huge rainbow arches out of the Menai Straits and seems to vanish down my chimney…..I wonder if my house is filled with rainbow light…………..?
It is world peace day today…………………
“Peace is the essence of happiness
and that happiness is the essence of all beings………”
terry
Filed under: Blogroll, Pilgrimage, tibetan buddhism, Uncategorized, wales
Samsaric pursuit
It only ends when you stop.
Vimalamitra
Well I thought it was the end of summer but the sun came out this weekend so I drove to Malltraeth and followed the sandy forest trail to Ynys Llanddwyn, russet coloured boletus, sulfur yellow tricholoma and evening primrose line the forest edge. This would have been a good day for my Llanddwyn swim as the sea is glassy and the rocks and reefs are showing.
I walk along the beach to my ‘spot’ on the edge of the dunes above the skeleton of a old boat which shows at low tide. Hot sun…soft sand….. bliss. Later I wander along the tide line and swim in the warm salty water. Not many folk around, mainly walkers and a few horse riders.
In late afternoon the place always settles down, everything becomes quiet and peaceful…it takes my breath away. I walk to the estuary stopping to bathe in the warm pools left by the retreating tide. Jellyfish, some a foot in diameter, lie standed under the hot sun, I carry them into the water. I wade out into the glassy swell diving into the sunlight reflecting on the ripples, a band of terns are working their way along the shoreline and circle me plunging into the sea. I look down into the crystal clear water and watch a vast shoal of sand eels flashing like beads of mercury….this is what the terns are after.
Sadly I leave the sea, turn and walk to the point and look back towards Ynys Llanddwyn, the blue mountains of Eryri soaring against a cloud free sky….the pilgrimage island of Bardsey floating on the horizon……………….it is absolutely perfect…a blessing to be here. I cross the dune slacks still covered in wild flowers and follow the trail along the estuary salt marsh and forest edge… pippets and skylarks circling above the marram grass…..dragonflies hawking….the rattle of ravens in the pine tops.
Mandala Offering
The earth is perfumed with scented
water and strewn with flowers,
Adorned with Mount Meru, the four continents,
the sun and moon.
Imagining this as a buddha realm, I offer it
so that all beings may enjoy that pure realm.
Trisong Deutsen, the King of Tibet (790-844)
May all beings find happiness…….terry
This is just to test the system…I have set it up to record my pilgrimage from the Diamond Seat in Bodhgaya, India to Nepal where I can look towards the Land of Snows and Milarepa. I will be at the Kagyu Monlam (Prayers for peace) led by the 17th Karmapa then travelling with my teacher, Ringu Tulku and some of his students in the footsteps of the Buddha………………….
Four Pilgrimage Places of the Buddha
Virtuous ones, after my passing, devoted sons and daughters of noble character should visit and remember these four places for as long as they live.
Which four? Here the Buddha was born. Here the Buddha awakened to true and complete enlightenment. Here the Buddha turned the twelvefold wheels of the Dharma. Here the Buddha passed completely beyond suffering.
Virtuous ones, after my passing, there will be people who circumambulate the stupas and there will be people who bow down before them. It is for such people that these words are spoken.
Buddha Shakyamuni
The Dali Lama says the the most important pilgrimage is the one we make within………..
So………….this weekend I celebrated the end of summer. Up early on friday, clean the house do some Dharma practice and head for Bangor (I live in Eryri, North Wales) for a good 2k training swim in a peaceful pool. Shop and home for breakfast, some DIY and then up Nant Ffrancon to Cwm Idwal for what might be my last lake swim this year….very cold but blissful as I glide through shafts of sunlight, surrounded by mountains and accompanied by an eel!. Climbed out and nearly fainted with the cold…..some women said they were” seriously impressed”! Llyn idwal is at 1223 feet (36 feet deep)…was I the highest swimmer in Wales?
Home for dinner then grab my sleeping bag and walk up on to the ridge on Moel Faban above my house in Rachub (place of refuge in English) to my favourite spot where I can lie and look into the deep night sky and full moon above the Carneddau mountains. There are lots of ancient burial sites here, it is peaceful, I have no fear of spirits……. I offer some prayers……………
Down for breakfast, more DIY, daily Dharma practice then drive to a reef and cove, Porth Aels, near Aberffraw, Ynys Mon (Anglesey) where I have been swimming with grey seals this summer. It is pupping time now so only a couple are there, close in when I call them….he-ya,he-ya,he-ya….. their big brown eyes beckoning……… “come with us, come with us”! We play hide and seek through the rocks and forests of seaweed until they return to Carreg y Trai, an offshore reef where they haul up as the tide drops. The sea is rough and visibility poor so I dive for a while on a wreck then walk back to Porth Cwyfan stopping to inspect the sad, bloated body of a dolphin wedged in a gully, I offer a some prayers…..
Porth Cwyfan is a special place despite the intrusion of a new motor racing track on the fields above. The church on a island in the bay is one of the oldest in Wales and connected to St Kevin of Glendalough in Ireland ….both places of pilgrimage and close to my heart. I come here a lot to dive and seek solace when the race track is quiet, my son and I spent much time here surfing on one of the least known and best waves in Wales.
The next day the wind has dropped so I decide to go to Ynys Mon after my practice and walk to Malltraeth bay then swim two or three miles back around Ynys Llanddwyn to Newborough car park. . It is a very high tide, the sea is almost up to the forest edge, so the rocks and reefs are covered but it is calm with a gentle groundswell. Problems with my goggles overcome, essential to see in the poor visibility, I stroke out along the cliffs and thread my way through the submerged rocks….it is absolute bliss and I am swimming well. Fishermen on the rocks by the lighthouse, I have to avoid their lines and a strong current as I round the headland, passing Ynys Adar and its colony of cormorants and shags I pull into Pilots Cove. There are jelly fish (ouch!) and big rafts of seaweed, worst of all some waterskiers and jetskis. I am forced to swim below the cliff to the left ofYnys y Cranc and Ynys Clochydd and then along the shore line, I don’t want to get run over. I normally head out across the open water of the bay.
Pull out of the water and walk through the folk crowded together by the car park.l Have lunch, sunbathe for a while and walk to Abermenai, one last swim, a strong current here.Stop for celebration pizza in Bangor and walk on the pier as the sun goes down and the moon rises over the Carneddau, a great day. I find out later that there was a racist stabbing in nearby village and the police helicopters were out looking for the suspects!
The next day I go to the pool again then out to see the seals one last time. It is monday and quiet in Porth Cwyfan except for the huge earth movers extending the track, vast clouds of dust drift over the church and settle on the sea, I head for the cove but no sign of the seals. Swimming out from the beach I call for ages with no success then pull onto a partly submerged rock so I can see above the swell. Just as I stand up her head breaks the surface, eye contact and she has gone. Walk back to Porth Cwyfan, my legs and hands are very painfull now after the cold water….the price I pay…..! That night a plane crashed on the ridge behind my house, one dead!!
I thought that was it for this year but yesterday the sun came out on the way back from the pool so I drove to Ogwen and walked up to Llyn Idwal. It was windy and I struggle against the waves. Resting in the water by the outflow I watch some walkers descending from the hill….is this how the seals feel when they watch the folk above the cove? The ridges are brooding under dark swirls of cloud framing patches of ice blue sky….I glide over the shallow weed forest for the last time this year, pick my way through the rocks and on to the grassy shore. There are still wild flowers….a dragonfy…….head for home………….
It has been a mixed summer…periods of deep deep sadness struggling with ‘obstacles’ in my life….long swims in the mountain lakes…stumbled climbing out of Llyn Padarn and cut an artery in my hand….I now have numb finger …several stitches and a permanant reminder of a amazing day swimming Llyn Dinas, Llyn Gwynant (someone drowned there that day!) and then Llyn Padarn…..hot beach days at Malltraeth……..exploring the forest and swimming across the estuary to wander the coves on Bodorgan….elemental….swam the twin lakes, Llynnau Mymbyr on the hottest day of the year……spring teachings in Glasgow with Ringu Tulku…how do I deserve this….? The news is full of 9/11 but no mention that Gandhi started out on his journey of non-violence in South Africa on that day, 1906 …………Dharma practice and constant inspiration from the Lord of Yogis, Milarepa……..and so it goes on…the end of summer….heavy rain today…..
This Fleeting Life
Like the mountain river flowing into the ocean,
Like the sun or moon approaching the western mountain,
Like day and night, hours and minutes pass quickly by,
As does the life of every person.
from the Vinaya Sutra.
may all beings be free from suffering….make your mind an ocean….love peace and light…..terry
